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If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
Condom commercials should just be 30 seconds of crying babies pooping and vomiting all over themselves.
If she can cook like her mother and drink like her father, she`s a keeper.
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up a lot more hard drive space.
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
Her (from the living room): What time is it out there? Me (in the kitchen): Same time as it is in there.
Not sure if I need sex, sleep, or to punch someone in the face.
The only instant messaging I enjoy is with my middle finger.
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole....
Something about summertime brings out the beer guzzling Homer Simpson in me.
What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won`t buy the book.