Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
This cat poop tastes like I`m about to get yelled at -Dogs
I made Creme Brulee today. More food should require the use of a blow torch.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
I`m going to start looking for the good in all people I meet this year. Except for the a$$holes.
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
Fun Fact: You can win all arguments with your man by putting on yoga pants and walking away.
That sound the Ketch-up make when you squeeze out the last drop, NEVER fails in making people laugh
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the f*ck down. -Bfanch
Iām the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.