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I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
I wish people would consult me before trying to insult me, because I could help them come up with a much better one.
If your job title is head receiver, you know you`re doing something right.
I love a room with a fire place it sets the tone for a romantic night, drinking wine slow dancing, burning evidence.
If you`re ever held at gun point, just remember, I`m behind you 100%.
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
I hope you all have a prosperous New Year ... I may have to borrow money.
I found out last night that the only thing worse than waking up 3 times to pee is sleeping right through it.
No, I don`t have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.
For Christmas I just want summer...
If you`re wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don`t google `old man bond age`
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
Sometimes.. late at night... I fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend I am a meatball.
Million dollar idea: A snooze button that lets you sleep longer the harder you hit it.