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Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
Being a fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
There are so many scams on the Internet now. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
How many decades of knowing someone before it`s rude to ask what their name is?
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.