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If I won the lottery, I could make a whole lotta people miserable
My doctor said if I wanna drop a few pounds I`d have to stay away from carbs. So I`ve been using this insanely long straw to drink beer
Do you ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they aren`t talking?
How to create a weight-loss program: (1) Take a before picture. (2) Eat like a pig. (3) Take an after picture. (4) Switch the pictures.
Divorce is expensive because its worth it.
TEIAM - problem solved
Wishing a happy unbirthday to everybody who`s birthday isn`t today.
Man: "You look nice today..." Woman: "Was I ugly yesterday?"
Nobody really dates anymore. You just make eye contact, text, hang out, and next thing you know all her clothes are in your closet....
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
Iām so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?