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Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the person’s likes and dislikes. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled.
Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
You`re the reason why I believe in condoms.
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, You`re never gonna keep me down" ~Bowling pins
I`ve been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I`ve lost is 14 days.
People ask me why I don`t have any tattoos and I respond with, would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
I`ve been baptized five times this week in five different churches. I wish the landlord would hurry up and fix my shower.
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
I have the means to do anything that I want on my day off from work which means that I dont want to do anything on my day off from work.
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.