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Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
I don`t get personal trainers. I`ve never been exercising and thought "man, I wish someone hot was criticizing me right now."
My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
I`d rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I`m driving.
My bf just got out of jail. Says life in jail for him was a big pain in the a$$
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
It`s a good thing the gas station is open today...... I still have time to do my Christmas shopping.
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.