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Chicken salad with egg in it is my fave way to eat two generations.
Keychains were invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
Someone said to me earlier, "Your face looks very familiar". I said, "I know, I`ve had it a long time."
It`s great how you have legs that can take you away from a conversation when you don`t feel like listening to people anymore
Someone`s gotta break it to people under 25 that cameras can also point away from themselves.
The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
When your parties have glasses instead of red cups, you’re a grown up.
Not everything on CNN is fake news. Some of it is commercials.
Ate too much salad yesterday so I`m going on an Oreos cleanse today.
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
My life is based on a true story
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules.
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.
I can think of other ways to eat fresh, but I`ll settle for this subway sandwich.
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.