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I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
The olympics is the only time when you hear "Great execution by North Korea" and it seems okay.
In-laws the reason why I`d never get married..
Relationship status: Runs alone at night in hopes of being abducted.
Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
My hand has never pumped so hard for a little squirt. Stupid empty soap bottle.
Fun Fact: You can win all arguments with your man by putting on yoga pants and walking away.
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person ... apparently they call that stalking.
Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/