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My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about.
is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
Honk if you are reading this.
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
If a clown farts, does it smell funny?
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
Illiterate? Well then sign up today for free online reading classes!
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.