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3yo just yelled "face-five!" & slapped his brother in the face. I`m totally using that at work tomorrow.
I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
Grandkids are basically puppies for old people.
There are 3 reasons for ”Liking” someone’s Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I’m liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks. I`m out in public. Thanks.
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
I have a black belt in leather
People say laughter is the best medicine, but I’d like to think a beer is the way to go.
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...
I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.