Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.
Attention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.
Nothing screams DUI like wearing a really nice suit on a city bus.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
People think I`m crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already
Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she’s doing.
He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it`s all screaming and sh!t.