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How come the energizer bunny beats a drum instead of doing something like working the cashier register at Wal-Mart?
Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
My fridge is so full of beer ... I`m going to have to drink my way back to the food or starve.
What idiot named it a mugshot instead of a cellfie?
What I lack in sex appeal I make up in staying home and drinking.
After a night of heavily drinkin` there`s one thing I can`t stand...and that`s up.
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you`re on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up