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Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
The brain is like the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
I hate girls who insert the phrase "my boyfriend" into every conversation. So does my boyfriend.
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?" I said: "Of course I would. I`d miss you, but I`d still love you."
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
I don`t know if I`ve got some free time, or if I just forgot what the hell I`m supposed to be doing...
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
I just saw a bus that you would look amazing under.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
Siri, where are my pants?
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
I`ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don`t have the game so I may need new meds...
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.