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I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
Must you really ask why I have my selfie on top of my Christmas tree?
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn`t for any religious reasons. They couldn`t find three wise men and a virgin.
You say tomato, I say summertime snowball.
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
Looks like I’m in the doghouse again, but I don’t know why. All I said to the wife was, “Is there anything important you want to tell me before the World Cup starts?”
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.
Common sense is like deodorant....The people who need it most never use it.
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.