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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.
Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
If life gives you lemons make grape juice than lay back and watch people wondering how you did it;)
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
If I drank, I`d have a lot funnier status updates on Facebook than I do now. Well, at least I`d think they were funnier.
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
Hush little laptop don`t you cry,mumma gonna find you some more wifi.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
Happy Fourth of July!! Or as the rest of the world likes to call it, Friday.
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..