😄 Daily Silly Status
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They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
A woman at my gym has a jellyfish tattoo on her arm ... So I peed on her
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
“But I read somewhere…” -me about to make some sh!t up.
If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I`m not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: “Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken.”
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
"We`d be rich if you just said one f*cking word" - me, drunk, talking to my dog
Just once I`d like a doctor to tell me I`m not getting enough beer in my diet.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.
A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day, so I took my dollar back.