😄 Daily Silly Status
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Alcohol: Because no great story ever started with someone eating salad.
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
Roses are red! violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Snot.
DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths...
I just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren’t home. So from now on, I’m at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile.
I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard.
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
Beauty is only a light switch away...
I just wanted to send you a quick note letting you know that you`re in my inappropriate thoughts.
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle
Life is about perspective like the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ships kitchen
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."