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Like this if you can’t think of a clever status either.
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
"May the 4th" be with you!
This sushi restaurant has the worst service. "Sir, this is an aquarium"
Apparently some strangers don’t need a hug.
Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
If you`re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
From all these shows I`ve watched it seems like snipers lay down a lot of the day....I`d probably be pretty good at that job.
I told you a million times do not exaggerate!
Within 2 minutes, I can gather enough things to allow me to sit and watch tv without getting up for at least 4 hours... Don`t question my laziness
Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He`s obviously an undercover cop.
Nothing says you mean business more than putting on a bib before you eat a girl out