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I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
Boobs: because you can`t suck on a girls personality
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
thinking men should come with a carfax....
If jail isn`t supposed to be fun, why do they get bunk beds?
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind ... I`d be SO skinny!