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Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
Just because you think it`s a bad idea doesn`t mean we won`t have a good time.
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
You ever wonder why it`s only women who need exorcisms?
I bet Captain Crunch has some amazing abs.
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
To make a long story short quit right in the middle.
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
That awkward moment when u start telling a story only to realise no one is listening so you slowly fade out and pretend to have said nothing.
It`s such a cold winter this year that the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual. So far 3 of my neighbors have disappeared...
at this point in life I break my life down into 2 time periods B.N and A.N....Before Netflix and After Netflix
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.