😄 Daily Silly Status
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You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
Stretch marks? You mean sick a$$ lightning tattoos.
"Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
I`m watching a show about surviving in the wild in case I ever decide to log off and go outside.
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is nine-seven now, and we don`t know where they hell she is.
I like to go on drunk facebook post binges, then claim the next day that someone hacked my account.
My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.
My predictive text dictionary doesn’t have “tsunami”, so if you ever get a text from me that says “trumang” start running.
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
Love your neighbor, but don`t get caught...
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I`ve never seen a dolphin with a face tattoo.
A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.