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Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
The key to any successful marriage is separate TVs.
I hate when I spend the extra money to buy organic vegetables only to get home and find out that I bought regular donuts.
I’M ENGAGED…..to be hungover tomorrow.
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
Obesity: When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you.
You know you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
I`ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don`t have the game so I may need new meds...