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“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
My email notification is a cricket sound that drives the wife crazy looking for the cricket. Winning!
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
Instead of “single” as a relationship option, it should read “independently owned and operated”
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
I`m pretty sure if you watched a movie of my life backwards it probably would be about a guy who refills beer cans and puts them in the fridge.
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
Lightning is like God`s way of saying "Get out of that tree you pervert!"
When I rule the world, it will be illegal to have an opinion until you`ve proven that you are not an idiot.
After Monday and Tuesday... even the week says WTF!
Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)
"No, thanks. I`m a vegetarian." is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.