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Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
Facebook. Where people can express thoughts that otherwise might get them fired, divorced, thrown in a loony bin or all three.
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
Some people should be ticketed for wearing spandex
"Nothing is impossible." I disagree. I`m doing nothing right now... it`s totally possible.
Kids, because why would you want to sleep on more than 6 inches of your king size bed?
I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
I just got an email telling me how I can have fuller, firmer breasts. I can`t wait to show them to my wife!!
Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk a$$.
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
I didn’t get the job… heading home.. Good Bye Rome.. until we meet again.
Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.