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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. LOL. But on the up side, it is fun!! ;)
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free...
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
Never make eye contact while eating a banana
A pretty important part of being a dad is waiting in the car.
The truth might set you free, but lying might keep you out of jail.
This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! :)
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!