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Try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is
Wishing you a fabulous 2014 that is full of great achievements and experiences. A meaningful chapter waiting to be written HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
My dog reacts to the vacuum cleaner the same way I react when my wife says "We need to talk".
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
When I`m bored, I send a random text to a random number saying "I hid the body... now what?"
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
First you`re telling me to be myself, then you`re telling me to stop being an idiot. Make up your mind!
Experience is what you get, when you don`t get what you want
For once in my life, Iād like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
Some of the happiest years of a woman`s life are when she`s 29.
How`d this get posted?
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.