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my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freaking early. Every...Single...Morning...
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
For the record, you`ll need a turntable needle.
My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.
Why does using a straw make it so much harder to admit there’s no more soda?
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven does God hide behind the Pearly Gates and pretend he`s not home?
Hey, sorry I`m late ... I didn`t want to come
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"
I took the "Which 90`s Cartoon Are You?" quiz and got "You`re a fucking grown man. Stop it. Right now."