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I don’t go to bars for the same reason I don’t grocery shop when I’m hungry. I always come home with things I didn’t need.
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
Pepper spray: The perfect way to end an annoyingly long conversation.
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
Research shows that, when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" ... He in fact did.
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
If you ever need nothing I am here for you.
In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”
You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate you bye
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?