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Perhaps Nicki Minaj just lost a series of bets.
New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, leave as patient.
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I`ll kill you all.
I’m glad people can’t see how I have them saved in my phone. Contact names like, “Don’t Answer” and “Douchebag” and “Owes me $100".
I wish these people who sing songs on the radio would learn the words to the song, they keep messing me up!!
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
If you could have one super power would you pick flying, invisibility, or falling asleep without questioning every decision you`ve ever made
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
I rather be a known drunk, than an Anonimous Alcoholic
You know what they say about men with big feet ;)..........We always have trouble finding shoes that fit.