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Time heals all wounds...unless it`s infected or gangrene or something then time makes it worse.
I`m not lazy I just really enjoy doing nothing!!
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
I can`t believe The Stones are still doing it after all these years. Someday I want to have a marriage like Fred and Wilma.
Cliff diving? No thanks. I get all of my near death thrills by rolling my eyes when my wife asks me to move my feet while she vacuums.
6 inch - about right, 7 inch - cant complain, 8 inch - f*cking perfect, 9 inch - a bit much, 10 inch - its hurting my insides, 11 inch - I cant take it anymore, 12 inch - I`m absolutely f*cking destroyed ... Aren`t pizza`s just awesome.
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
“I saw that.” -Karma
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?