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ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
You know what`s more miraculous than a video with a million view but no dislikes on YouTube? The detention sheet empty for my class.
Nothing tests that whole "for better or worse" thing like the question "does this look infected?"
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
Leaving your window open for an hour and the cast from f*cking Bugs Life decided to start producing their second movie.
My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.
Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.
First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year.
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
You actually are not the stupidest person on the planet. But if he were to die...
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.
The problem with some people is that they’re alive.
"I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow.” — Me being delusional