Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I once dated a meteorologist just so I could be with a woman who wasn`t right all the time.
I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack..
Sarcasm. Because communicating with morons is hard.
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
I am losing Facebook friends at an alarming rate. Whatever it is that I said, is working like a charm.
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
Life`s too short for Salad..............
I’ve never met a weekend that I didn’t like.
Call me old school, but I think your shorts should be longer than your private parts.
I am really glad the shutdown is over. I`ll tell you something, it was very lonely being the only nonessential employee who was working.
Be nice to your kids. They get to choose your nursing home.
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What could possibly go wrong with that?
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.