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Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn`t quite make it in.
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
A penny for your thoughts. Five bucks if they`re dirty.
I`m a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
If I`m not back in ten minutes ... then just wait longer.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don`t have iPhone. 2) I don`t have a girlfriend.
When I was a kid I remember I fell asleep in the couch and woke up in the bed, now I fall asleep in the couch and wake up on the floor.
My bed is way more comfortable in the mornings than during the night.
If you`re in a hole, stop digging...
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problem 99% demons.
In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY ... My best time so far is 7 min.
Lazy Rule#15325434090371466: you`re so lazy you didn`t even finish reading the number.
How dumb is that family if Mrs. Doubtfire can fool them a second time?