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I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.
I don`t get why people find drunk text annoying
Don`t judge me just because I sin differently from you.
Make Monday More Fun: Unplug the copier at work and put a sign on it that says “Now Voice Activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold..
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
Things I`m confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?
"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who`s pointing out a constellation
My mind is telling me nooo... But my body... My body`s telling me yesss...BABY. Cashier: Sir...would you like fries with that or not?
Good thing I got a college degree I think as I put away the kid toys for the 49 billionth time