😄 Daily Silly Status
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I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
Sober me makes plans and drunk me cancels them. Its a good system.
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
I wish I had Shazam for faces...
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
There is a 100% chance that I’ve called some of the most wonderful people in the world the most horrible things imaginable while in traffic.
I laughed more at the Broncos offense then I did at the commercials.
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.
The nice thing about living in the southern states is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense here.
Can I apologize in advance for basically everything I will ever do???
Billion dollar idea: Meth with Flouride
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.
Noise canceling toilets should be a thing.