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I`ve noticed more and more little kids with cell phones and social networks. What does a kindergartner have to tweet about? "I`m getting better at drawing in the lines!" #cantwaitforstorytime
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
Breaking News: I took a bath today
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
I can’t find the words to express how I have nothing to say
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
I`m only materialistic when I shop at the liquor store.
That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.
Yea, there is no "I" in team... but there sure is "ME".
I say the things better left unsaid.
Next time you ride on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and just as it starts to move, tap the person in front of you and say, "these just fell out of your seat."
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.