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Being `clean and sober` means I`ve showered and I`m headed to the liquor store.
I just realized there are more toes in the world than people
If there is one-thing in this would i don`t like being thought is ... a lesson.
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
Dear who ever’s reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
Getting stuff out of my refrigerator is like playing Jenga.
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
A piñata is NOT a good idea for a Halloween costume.
Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you`re talking about BABIES?
Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He`s obviously an undercover cop.
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split