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I`m still mad that video killed the radio star.
Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge. Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their car keys.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?
I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
Note to self: Asking the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your Facebook status in no way helps you get out of a DUI.
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.