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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.
Those kids in the Trix commercials were real jerks. Why couldn’t they just share their cereal with the rabbit?
I need new swear words.
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
If I was a Jedi there is a 100% chance that I would use the Force inappropriately.
When I tell stories about people I don’t like, I give them ridiculous voices.
There may be two sides to every story, but you’re still a douche in both of them.
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
I`m sorry I slapped you but you didn`t seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.
I’m not implying you’re stupid. I’m saying it outright. Here, I wrote it in crayon to help you understand.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?