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Politicians and diapers should be changed regularly and for the same reason...
String cheese is the sexiest of the cheeses. It’s like you get to undress it.
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
In-laws the reason why I`d never get married..
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
The best curve on a girl is her smile ;) ... Lol just kidding!
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons! You`re wlecome, enjoy the day.
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there`s a millionaire walking around that invented the pool noodle.
If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.
Divorce... The most common home improvement project.
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.