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I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this...
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
What did the Japanese man say to the other Japanese man? Something in Japanese,
I`m considering buying a racehorse and naming it, "My Face". Just so I can hear everyone in the stands scream "Come on, My face!!"...
Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
Screw love... I`d rather fall in chocolate.
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
If your dog is fat, you’re not getting enough exercise.
Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.
Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.
Holy sh!t Karma, how much longer till we`re all squared up?