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Why hasn`t anyone invented a button next to the snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.
To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.
Does eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt.
Some of the best decisions I`ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send
Farted in my wallet, Now I have gas money.
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.
Imagine coming home from a long vacation and finding your bathroom towels are wet from just being used. I can do that to your ex if you want.
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.
Apparently, the average person looks at their phone 150 times a day. Not me. I look at it just once. For about 12 hours.
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.