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It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" - 17th century sext
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
For $60, this printer ink had better be hand squeezed out of endangered squids.
It`s such a cold winter this year that the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual. So far 3 of my neighbors have disappeared...
Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right for this Monday
Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
In theory, sex should be grosser than letting someone borrow your toothbrush, but it`s not.
The best way to get over someone is probably with your car
I hope when I die Charlie Sheen`s life flashes before my eyes.
"Wow! That butterfly`s gonna be HUGE!" - First person to find a mummy