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scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
An awkward morning beats a boring night.
Since I`m getting older I`ve been thinking about my health. Should I work out 2 hrs a day like Jack Lalanne who was 96? Or smoke cigars like George Burns who lived to be 100?
I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
Lame! I was tricked into watching PS, I Love You! It`s definitely NOT about a guy that marries his PlayStation.
Judging by all of the cologne and shower sets I got for Christmas either people know I like to smell good or I am failing at it.
Last time I saw jugs that big, 2 hillbillies were blowing on them.
That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don`t realize how bad it is for their health.....until I`m choking them
Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.
My ex-wifes facebook status said "I`m depressed and on the edge"... So I poked her!