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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We`ll both regret it soon enough.
There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
Love your enemies; after all, you made them!
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.
If you ring my door bell you better be the pizza guy or a sexy naked lady ... with a pizza.
Some people are flirting with my delete & block button
I`m just like you ... Only smarter and better looking.