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I’m just like everyone else: I put my straight jacket on one buckle at a time.
So,do people in England speaks American now that people in America speaks English?
A plus side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and I won’t judge you because I too will be in my pajamas.
People saying "Laugh my a$$ off" and still having an a$$ next time I see them is the reason I have trust issues.
If you don’t want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn`t trust with a Glo-Stick Day.
Scientist Proved That There are more Than 124786534688644478 People Living In This world who are Too Lazy To Read The Above Number...!!!
If cats could talk, they`d probably always be correcting your grammar.
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
If I was gonna make a bomb, I`d use the same color wire for the whole thing.
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....
People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh!t to yourself.