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I’ve made some mistakes I wish I could make again.
Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.
What do you call a dog with no hind legs? Dragon Balls.
I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
You had me at, "we`ll make it look like an accident."
You can tell a lot from a woman by her hands. For instance, if they`re placed around your throat she`s probably slightly upset.
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
Apparently showing the pharmacist a picture of my wife was not a good enough reason to get Valium without a prescription.
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
Does `virgin wool` come from sheep the shepherd hasn`t caught yet? ..just asking
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.
I don`t drink to feel better about myself. I drink to feel better about being with you
The moment you empty your vacuum cleaner is the moment you become a vacuum cleaner.