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If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
Love is grand. Divorce is 100 grand.
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
Be careful when you`re watching a movie with your wife. You`re gonna get blamed for whatever the guy in the movie does.
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
Don`t be that guy that goes around saying "Don`t Be That Guy."
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.
If 3 people have sex, it`s called a 3-some. If 2 people have sex, it`s called a 2-some. I guess we now know why they call you HAND-some.
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.
I’m positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.