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Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
Note to Denver Broncos: Marijuana is NOT a performance enhancing drug!
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
I had four E`s and LSD last night. Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there`s an 83% chance that my nephew just added "Mother*ucker" to his vocabulary.
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
Stop saying I`m hard to shop for. Surely you know where the liquor store is
I go out all day looking good and saw no one I know. I go out for 5 minutes looking like sh!t and it`s all of the sudden a f*cking reunion.
homework wont kill me, but why take the risk!
Just got back from the car dealership and long story short, I`m now the proud owner of a giant circus tent.
When it comes to speaking Spanish I know the essentials. "Taco, nacho, burrito, cheeto, frito & no comprendo."
Gardening is awesome because it is one of the only ways a normal person can be persuaded into buying actual bags of poop.