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So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
Sorry I`m late... I accidentally pulled the chain on the ceiling fan one too many times for like 9 hours straight.
This would be a "Good Morning!" status update, but it`s not, because morning sucks.
I hate wasting alcohol on social occasions.
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
If I lean to the left. I am not trying to whisper in your ear. I`m married. I`m gonna fart.
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
Grabbed Pizza Roll. Thought "my god that is so hot it`s burning my fingers" and immediately popped it in my mouth ... I`m a goddamn genius.
Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media
Good thing I got a college degree I think as I put away the kid toys for the 49 billionth time
gua suka sama kamu