Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m allergic to stupidity ... which is why I break out in to sarcasm.
Partying on my level requires years of training.
At the end of the day, it`s 11:59pm.
I`m in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy
Don`t ask me how my night was coz I don`t know. I was asleep.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up a lot more hard drive space.
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
I wish I could match my dog`s excitement to go outside.
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.
I feel like grabbing some random kid and screaming "I`m YOU from the future!"