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If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
I`m already going to hell ... now I`m just trying to get a good spot.
They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn`t mean to eat it. I don`t want to be a bug.
Guess what I saw today? ... Everything I looked at.
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
Hitting the snooze button is like hitting the “Next Episode” button on Netflix… it’s going to happen at least 3 times.
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
The trouble with jogging is, that by the time you realize you`re not in shape, it`s too far to walk back.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.
My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you`ll need a shovel and map to find him.
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden