😄 Daily Silly Status
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If Scientists invent a pill to make us immortal, I guarantee I`d choke to death swallowing it.
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
The officer said, "you drinking?" I said, "you buying?" then we both laughed and laughed... And now I need bail money.
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma`am? Me: No, I`m just dizzy b/c I`m having a heavy flow day. It`s really clotty and... Cop: You`re free to go.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"
Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don`t know who to root for.
You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you’ll see a wedding ring.