Daily Silly Status

I put mirrors on the ceiling because I like to see how I look when I`m eating pizza alone.

I wouldn`t say I`m an alcoholic. I`d slur it.

I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.

How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to

The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti

If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?

I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”

Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.

There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.

Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".

Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you`re ignorant and make bad decisions.

Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I`m sobering up.

I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.

U still drunk from last night or did u get a new buzz going this morning.

To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.