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Call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
Tomorrow is Valentines day, a holiday that comes along once a year to remind you that if you don`t have a special someone...I guess your alone.
I hate it when people call dogs "stupid". I mean, when was the last time you saw a dog step in human poop?
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
If I`ve learned anything from the Kardashians it`s that I shouldn`t let my complete lack of talent hold me back.
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
status uploading
People who over-exaggerate make me so mad that I just want to light everyone on fire.
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.