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I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer.
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect already.
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she`s never broken a lawnmower before.
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
I saw Tom Hanks and asked for his autograph. He abbreviated it, and it just said "Thanks"
I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Dear single guys; open a pet shop selling cats. Let the single ladies come to you.