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Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
FACT: The "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t" is not really a good defense in court
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
Apparently, when people say "I could use a hand" it doesn`t mean they want to get slapped in the face.
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
When children shy away, I say, "I don`t bite. Not hard anyway!" Then I laugh and bite them hard. They need to understand life`s not easy.
After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me " maybe life isn`t for everyone"
I finally finished my 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...
If you can`t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that`s all there is to me.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
Here`s a crazy trick to avoid looking fat in pictures: Lose weight.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it´s for them?