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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
"I`m single and ready to mingle"..oh god, is this why I`m still single, cuz I say sh!t like that?
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
I hate it when chicks wear pink camo. I`m like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
If you rearrange the letters of "postmen" they get really pissed off.
Guys if you ever want to imagine what a woman’s mind feels like imagine a browser with 2,859 tabs open. All. The. F*cking. Time.
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down.
I`m sorry, I live in the U.S. so I don`t really get the metric system. How much exactly is "in moderation"?
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
It`s not stalking if you love them!