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I try to avoid nice people, so they can stay that way.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
I’ve made some pretty bad choices in life but I have to admit, having orange juice with Oreos was the worst.
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
Life gets expensive when you trust a cute woman.
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
Sex, drugs, and candy crush all have one thing in common. It’s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?
My scars tell a story. A story about a guy who`s really f*cking clumsy.
Friends are like boobs. Some are real, some are fake