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Sadly, the opposite sex is ignoring me like a check engine light.
I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
I woke up with a headache this morning but she went to work.
It’s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
Love going into a crowded area and yelling, "Hey stupid!!" and seeing how many people turn around.
Anyone who wastes my time is a clocksucker.
Nothing good goes into a microwave at 2:00am.
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Firemen, Astronauts, and Doctors are the only people who actually followed through on what they wanted to be when they grew up.
I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it`s nice to see agreeable babies out there.
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they`re all panicked over who`s getting deleted.
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
Walmart needs observation decks.