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I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
is admitting to pushing Humpty Dumpty, he had it coming!!
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
Today`s brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house