😄 Daily Silly Status
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why earn money when it comes easier when you just ask
How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
When someone says “you’re the best,” just know that it’s not really true because I’m the best.
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
Well it`s about time I get in line for that Star Wars movie
Finally, my winter fat is gone, now all I have are spring rolls.
Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
I always reply to my wife’s texts with :0))) I’m not being friendly, I’m discretely letting the fat bitch know how many chins she has.
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
Running shoes? No, I don`t run. These are my "better hurry up the liquor store is about to close" shoes.
My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and sent me a poem on Pinterest explaining how tired she was after a long day of work leading to her email. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.
It`s as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before.
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.