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You can never read a doctor`s prescription, but you can sure read his bill
I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
If you see someone crying, ask if it`s because of their haircut.
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
There`s no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you`re blowing up a rubber glove.
Most people are lucky they can’t hear what I’m thinking.
Society: Be yourself. Society: No not like that
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
No matter how nice I ask random people, nobody will take me to Funkytown.
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she says I was obsessed with football. I was shocked. I mean we were together for 3 1/2 seasons.