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I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, I’m a hunter-gatherer.
There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from vacation.
I bet more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
I think once we get past the restraining orders, court dates, and the stalking charges we can really make this relationship work.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m an apple.
My boss called me lazy and said I had poor communication skills... I almost responded
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan? ;)
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.