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If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.
SPOILER ALERT: Rice cakes do not contain any actual cake.
Smooth move.........ExLax
Remember the good old days when making the “duck face” involved 2 Pringles?
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
Woke up with my credit card lying on my keyboard. I can`t wait to see what drunk me bought sober me.
I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I`m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
I get nervous after taking time off work, that in my absence my boss will realize how little I actually do at the office.
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
i dont like ling distance relationships so i move the fridge to my room
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?