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My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
I think most of my friends hang out with me to see what I’ll say next.
I am losing Facebook friends at an alarming rate. Whatever it is that I said, is working like a charm.
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
My fridge is so full of beer ... I`m going to have to drink my way back to the food or starve.
Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he f*cked off.
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot. I didn`t even know I had a wife.
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the f*ck out of my way" becomes acceptable?
Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."