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I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
If my "friends" post just two more scripture quotes on Facebook, I will have officially read the entire bible.
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
Anything I say or do before I`ve had my coffee doesn`t count.
A man is as faithful as his options
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Confession #156: I always prepare myself before stepping on the escalator
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
Some people are just pure evil...I should know because I`m one of them.
There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don`t tell people everything you know
The first rule of elevator club is don`t talk to other members of elevator club.
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i`m pretty sure they`re hallucinations.
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.