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I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
Mondays should start at noon.
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
You`re single? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. Yea me too.
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
I`d take a stupid dog over a stupid person any day.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.
My IQ? ... With google or without?
It should really be called teethpaste.
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…
Never resist a mad impulse to do something nice for me.