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You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.
Momma left strict instructions to knock you out.
My wife told me her favourite position is when i lay very very still for a few hours........late at night....until the alarm clock goes off in the morning.
I always keep a spare pair of shoes at work that I change into so people don`t know it`s me when I`m taking a dump.
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
Flight 370, proven harder to find then the G spot :-/
If money can’t buy happiness explain pizza.
The best thing about having male genitals is sharing it with people who don`t.
Life hack: If you keep your mouth shut, no one will know you`re so stupid
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
I just realized that I haven`t done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it`s all about.