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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
Corduroy boxing gloves deliver the best punchlines.
I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
Nice try, blocked number but I don`t even answer the phone for people I know.
Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
Waldo wears stripes because he doesn`t want to be spotted !
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
My life may be a mess but at least I didn`t make a harlem shake video.
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, You`re never gonna keep me down" ~Bowling pins
didn`t get much sleep last night, I tried counting sheep but they kept cutting in line, confused the hell outta me!!
I just ate a Cheeto that melted perfectly in my mouth! It was Awesome! ....Until I realised that was the highlight of my day.
If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
Stop undressing me with your eyes!...Use your teeth!