Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.
I accidentally ran over my neighbour`s cat........... Nine times....... just in case
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
I`m the guy at the gym laying face down on the treadmill telling everyone "I`m ok, I`m ok"
i hate it when other people hate the person i hate!!!
Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."
If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullshit I’ll put up with before I catch on.
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
facebooked yo mama!!!
You don`t get smarter as you get older. There just aren`t any stupid things left that you haven`t already done.
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
There`s no way that whatever mothballs prevent is worse than the smell of mothballs.