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All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
The self-checkout line was a miracle for the condom industry.
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
If pigs could fly.. Would I be able to get high on bacon?
I`m tired of things costing money
It`s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager.
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
I laugh in the face of normal.
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
Calling your girlfriend beautiful because you forgot her name.