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The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
I once dated a meteorologist just so I could be with a woman who wasn`t right all the time.
Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
Being `clean and sober` means I`ve showered and I`m headed to the liquor store.
All I see on Facebook is penis, orgasm, bang him, bang her, bullwhip, masturbate, porn, tits, and then I read everyone else`s posts..
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
Blue&Black or White&Gold? Who cares what color the dress is, so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.
That one day of fame on Facebook because it`s your birthday.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.