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I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
If I could trade places with anyone for a day it would have to be on the day I die. I wouldn`t want to be me on that day.
I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
Well I just finished up some spring cleaning. Holy crap, owning a Slinky can be such a hassle.
Listening to the voices in my head, I’ve concluded that they’re having more fun than me.
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
I need more people like me in my life
It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.
Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
Thought I was having deja-vu. But it turns out, I do the exact same things every day.
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..
You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that sh!t.