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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account
Behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way.
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
Why do cops get mad when other cops have jurisdiction over a case? I`d be like cool I`m going home to eat.
There should be an "oh my god, shut up already" button.
I`ve stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.
Plastic surgeons are the only people that actually encourage you to pick your nose.
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping