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Have you noticed that tire stores never hang big banners that say "Blowout Sale"?
take me drunk i`m home
I told my daughter we might be getting a blizzard and she asked for one with Reese`s pieces
Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
They have all those non-smoking laws in public places so let’s now all focus on passing some perfume/cologne usage limits.
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
The best part of waking up is.....wait, I didn`t think this through entirely.
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
I`m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it`s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I`m still better than you.
Any woman can make you a Millionaire.. You only have to be a Billionaire first.
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch
I hate sneezing during sex, as it alerts the neighbours and lets them know I`m watching.
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!