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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
I wouldn`t say I`m an alcoholic. I`d slur it.
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
Teens today have it so easy. We didn`t have self-checkout lanes when we bought condoms.
Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
It’s almost 2015, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.
FUN FACT: If you take all of the marshmellows out of a box of Lucky Chrams, you`ll have a bag of Purina Cat Chow