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Spilling a full beer you paid for is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon.
Attention burglars: We may or may not be home. Or maybe we are hunters, waiting for you to get closer for a kill shot
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
I don`t get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
Sometimes bigger is just heavier
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.
If someone says you`re not a mermaid, don`t talk to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity in your life.
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
You know what`s wrong with winning a hundred thousand dollars? ... Not a damn thing!
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers