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Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There`s a nap for that.
There is a special place in hell for people who are not ready to order when it`s their turn.
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
A poem about me: I hate mornings. I wish I was drunk. The End.
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
Treat your mom to a margarita this mothers day! Remember you`re the reason she drinks.
Whoever said time heals all wounds never had their leg bitten off by a shark.
People say 60 is the new 40 but the cop who just pulled me over doesn`t agree.
everyone has that one crazy person in there family...but in my case everyone is just as crazy as i am!XD
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.