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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
There’s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
As it turns out, I’m not an afternoon person either.
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
Check this one out.........1