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I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
How ignorant do I have to be before I start experiencing bliss?
great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
I woke up with a headache this morning but she went to work.
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
I can`t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend
My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."