Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can turn anything into a compliment if you`re delusional enough.
I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
Dear Toilet Paper Makers, We`ve all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the center softer. Thank you...
I just found out that all the people who say "You haven`t changed a bit" have been lying to me. :)
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
Even when I change my mind, it still doesn`t work any better.
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
Technically, if you don`t cut the cake, it`s still just one slice.
My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me.
A police officer just knocked on my door to tell me my dogs were chasing kids down the road on bikes.. Umm.. My dogs don`t even own bikes?