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There’s a limit of how close you should be to another man when taking a selfie.
I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
I will never be to old to laugh when somone farts in a public bathroom peeing..
I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
I sure did waste a lot of time as a kid practicing my autograph.
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
If I can see you, you`re invading my personal space.
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world...
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.