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Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
Someone told me once that to have more confidence during sex, put in a live concert album while doing it. That way, you will hear applause every 3-4 minutes but I did it wrong. Accidentally put in a live concert album and all I heard was laughter!
Today I recently discovered how to make my p@nis 12"...I just fold that b!tch in half.
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
Pro tip: “Hold my drink” is not a proper response to “License and registration, please.” … apparently.
Wish there were more love songs about naps and liqour.
I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it`s not arrived yet
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.