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My nose is "running", that`s all the exercise I can handle for one day.......
All the guys in working out photos look like they`re straining or in pain, but there`s lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy. Just saying.
People who drive under the speed limit are probably the same people who drink decaf.
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
why waste your brain cells to think of a comment when you can just like someone else`s?
I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
Gotta admire people who drive with one hand holding on to a mattress tied to the roof.
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
What are the words I`m looking for? Oh yeah...Eat sh!t and die.
College is the only time in which being poor and drunk is acceptable.
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.