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Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
If you’re going to walk really slowly in front of me you should at least have the courtesy to have a slammin booty.
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
OK. If you`re so smart, what`s the answer to this question?
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
My favorite part of country music is the part where I change the station.
I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid. And some I’d love to punch them in the face.
Be careful who you call friends. I`d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
PRO TIP: If you walk around the mall hitting kids in the face with the shopping bags, your wife won`t make you carry them.
I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.
It would be funny if the husband is actually sleeping with the Jake from state Farm.
Opposites attract, that`s the trouble with being awesome
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...