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It’s the getting ahead that I’m running behind on.
Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.
You know that 200-foot high expansion bridge you drove over today? Just remember that it was built by the lowest bidder.
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? - top 3 things on my mind when I`m in a conversation
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.