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I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
Nothing screams "I don`t care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
However lonely you feel, you`re never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves
Things I do everyday: 1.Get up 2.Survive 3.Go back to bed
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!
I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them.
I’m not crazy just the voices are!
Just got rid of 150lbs of ugly fat ... Got divorced.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside