Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve tried several times, but I can`t pet a cat without plotting world domination.
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
Why is that in girls tampon commercials they dance and laugh? Shouldn`t they be revving chainsaws and burning sh!t down?
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
On a scale of one to crazy, how many cats do you have?
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
I`m so pissed right now! I`m about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please...
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them and why aren`t we helping to find them?
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won`t buy the book.